I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
