Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
