Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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