captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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