If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
