you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
