I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
