listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
