Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
