if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
