Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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