I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
