well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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