Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize