It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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