You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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