Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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