duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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