I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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