what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
