My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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