Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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