Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
