There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
