Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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