The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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