If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
