you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
