Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Randomize
