I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What a dumb baby whore.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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