"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
