I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
