Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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