"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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