Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
