i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
