Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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