I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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