he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bring me that man meat
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
