Duck Duck Cougar?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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