He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
