does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
