The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
