Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is wine microwaveable?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
