Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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