I'm gonna have a badass scar
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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