be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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