worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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