Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
