Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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