Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
