Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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