By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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