just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
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i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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