i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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