How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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