Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
