What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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