a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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