he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
