My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
