i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
