here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
