Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
