You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
