dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
