Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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