No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you never un-have a 4some
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
